I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
