I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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