so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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