you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
