I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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