how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
