Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
