I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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