I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
