Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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