he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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