So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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