I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize