If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
