im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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