oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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