Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
