sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
