i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
