dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
