I love black thongs
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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