I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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