So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
