no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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