I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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