Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
