can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
