so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
