I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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