Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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