So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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