i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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