Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
