Duck Duck Cougar?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
