1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
