im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
