I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
