I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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