I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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