Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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