i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
