i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
