She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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