I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
