I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
one might say we're banned from that church
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
