sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
