Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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