bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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