So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize