we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
