Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
