Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
