If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
