I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
