trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
