I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
