I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
