he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
