Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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