dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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