Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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