I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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