he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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