i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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