dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
