today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
