It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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