I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
