billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
