my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
