Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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