A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's JV to your varsity
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
