At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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