Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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