One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
