my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So apparently I’m into choking now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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