Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
