i was born a porn star she said
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
