My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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