come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
