Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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