pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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